Scott on September 26, 2006 at 9:15 pm
An interesting development in the world of theater…the Berlin Opera cancelled an upcoming performance of Mozart’s opera Idomeneo out of fears that representatives of the religion of peace (Islam) may decide to decend on the opera house and “peace” it to pieces.
So, “what’s the hubbub?” I hear you asking. Why would there be fears over Muslim retaliation for the performance of an opera? Well, it’s quite simple. The staging of the story features a scene where King Idomeneo, the King of Crete, displays the severed heads of religious figures including Poseidon, Jesus, Mohammed, and Buddah.
Kirsten Harms, director of Berlin’s Deutsche Oper, announced “with great regret” that she had decided to cancel the 3-year-old production after state security officials warned it could provoke dangerous reactions in the current politically charged climate.
The decision was affirmed by the leader of Germany’s Islamic Council who applauded the move, saying a depiction of Muhammad with a severed head “could certainly offend Muslims.”
And of course, “offend Muslims” is code for “piss off a bunch of irrational extremist nut-jobs who are just itching to burn down Western civilization and take things back to the good old days of the 14th century.”
…In a related story, the Dali Lama announced today that if the opera was allowed to proceed with the displaying of Buddah’s head, he would decend on the opera house with 10,000 monks who would pelt the building with bean sprouts and tofu until their demands are met that the head of Buddah be replaced with the head of Joseph Smith (of the Mormon Church).
And in a second related story, the Chief Prophet and Leader of the Quorum of the Twelve for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (otherwise known as the Mormon Church) announced today that should Joseph Smith’s head appear on stage in place of Buddah’s severed head, they will expect that in fairness the severed heads of Mary Baker Eddy, Jim Jones, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Lyndon LaRouche, Sun Myung Moon, David Koresh, and L. Ron Hubbard will also appear.
And in one last related story, Tom Cruise has announced that if the head of Scientology’s founder L. Ron Hubbard appears on stage, then he and John Travolta will pool their resources and buy airtime on every major television network, pre-empting all regular programing, so that they can jump up and down on couches while doing live readings from Hubbard’s AWFUL collection of writings. Cruise threatened that they would read very slowly and with great passion the full, unabridged versions of every story and insane thought that Hubbard put down on paper.
It is rumored that this last threat from Tom Cruise stimulated an emergency meeting of the U.N. and that the real reason the opera was cancelled was because Kofi called the director of the Berlin Opera and begged for the show to be cancelled…
…Sorry ’bout that. I kind of got stuck in a Monte Python loop for a couple minutes…
As an FYI, here’s a quick recap of the Idomeneo’s libretto (story line): Returning home from the Trojan Wars during a storm, Idomeneo, the king of Crete, vows to sacrifice to Neptune (the Greek god Poseidon) the first living creature he meets ashore in return for his own safety. The first person he sees turns out to be his own son Idamante, and Idomeneo attempts to escape from fulfilling his vow.