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Looking Ahead To Dan Brown’s Next Da Vinci-esque “Truthful Fiction”

Scott on May 22, 2006 at 9:01 pm

I spent some time on the web looking for information on Dan Brown next’s novel. My first few attempts drew a blank, but then today I stumbled upon a mysterious reference to “The Solomon Key.” Having read all of Brown’s previous writings, the curiousity-hunter within me smelled a mystery (kind of like Scooby-Doo, but without the Scooby Snacks). Feeling like Robert Langdon (Brown’s character), I followed the clues to Wikkipedia, which identifies “The Solomon Key” as the working title of Brown’s next book.

And guess what? After debunking the Catholic Church in “Angels and Demons,” and unmasking the falsehoods of Christianity in “The Da Vinci Code,” Brown has now turned his vast intellect and wide-ranging knowledge to the history of the United States. Like a good Dan Brown plot point, the Wikkipedia entry uses a variety of sources to speculate that the new book will explore the secret societies rumored to run rampant throughout the halls of the U.S. government and that are intertwined throughout the history of our country.

I look forward to Dan Brown’s expertice in expounding on the unknown and misrepresented facts associated with this great experiment in democracy. I predict that Mr. Brown will reveal startling, hitherto unknown facts such as:

1) Benedict Arnold was NOT a traitor, but was instead a patriot above all other patriots who single-handedly saved the colonies.

2) From the time of the first pilgrims to the later half of the 18th Century, 500,000,000,000 Native Americans were slaughtered at the hands of white men.

3) Washington did NOT cross the Delaware River. In fact, the colonists didn’t even have boats until 1835.

4) The Revolutionary War was a fiction. The British army and the Colonial militia actually were allies against the soldiers of the Pope who were sent to spread Rome’s Papist lies.

5) The Salem witch trials were actually sanctioned by those at the highest levels of government in order to thwart the efforts of women to take back the power that rightfully belongs to them (oh, sorry, he used that one in “The Da Vinci Code” already)

5) Manifest Destiny was actually a propoganda tool to hide a more destructive and incidious agenda…find the golden tablets and magic jeweled eye-pieces of Mormon Church founder Joseph Smith and return them to Washington D.C., where they could be kept with the other magical artifacts Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, and Adams were collecting as a hedge against the eventual spread of 17th Century pre-Nazi fascism.

Anybody have any other predictions regarding Dan Brown’s take on our nation’s history, perhaps some predictions that are a little less fanciful and more grounded in reality?

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