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Is Barack Obama an Alien?

John on March 13, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Well, it’s obvious the MSM is giving Obama a free ride in this election, so once again it falls to humble bloggers like myself to get the facts out. Oh, sure, I know you read that headline and you’re thinking, “Barack Obama an alien?! That’s crazy.” I know how it sounds. All I’m saying is don’t be so sure until you’ve considered the evidence.

  1. Where did he come from? He’s only been on the national scene 4 years. Before that he did something in Illinois. But his youth remains shrouded in mystery. And has anyone noticed how touchy Obama’s people are about his past. They say he grew up in Hawaii and Indonesia, as if those are right nearby each other! I know some people have suggested he’s hiding a boyhood connection to Islam, but the truth is far more disturbing. Obama grew up on another planet! (possibly Mar’xennui which orbits a red sun in the constellation Lyra). Need more proof?
  2. What’s with that name? Um…am I the only person remembering a certain alien visitor and his dying words to his giant killer robot, i.e. “Klattu Barada Nikto.” I’m told by reliable sources on the Klingon language usenet group that an alternate phrasing could be “Klattu Barack Diebold” which roughly translated means “Vote Barack!” Coincidence? You won’t think so when an army of cycloptic, anodized poll watchers land on the National Mall come November. Consider yourself warned and keep watching the skies!
  3. The Fainting: It’s well known that people faint wherever Barack speaks. Until now everyone has assumed this is a response to his ginormous personal charisma or possibly just a result of standing in the sun too long. But there’s a better explanation, one that fits all the facts. It’s simple really. What do all these people have in common? Think about it. They faint after getting close enough to see the real Barack! People don’t just swoon for no reason. Something they saw shocked them into unconsciousness. Could it be the scales on his knuckles?!! I know what you’re thinking, “What scales on his knuckles?” Well, you’ve never seen a close-up of his hands, have you? No and you won’t. That’s because they look like this! How’d you like to see that thing clutching a bottle of Evian behind a lectern. Trust me, you’d faint too.
  4. The Slogan: Obama has dubbed himself an “outsider” and the candidate of “change.” Well, he’s an outsider all right. Way, way outside if you know what I mean. As for “change in Washington” how obvious can it get. I mean, can you think of a bigger change than having aliens run the White House? No I didn’t think so.
  5. Photographic proof? A friend of a friend has sent me the final proof of my Barack-is-an-alien hypothesis. Take a look at this photo. That’s the original, unretouched image from the Rolling Stone photo shoot. No hands showing (wouldn’t want to have to explain those talons would you Barack!!). But do you notice anything else out of the ordinary?

    Look like anyone else you know?

So there it is. I know it still seems far-fetched but I ask you, what’s more likely? That a one term Senator with no experience to speak of suddenly defeats the Clinton political machine and rises to the most powerful position in the world on the strength of his oratory?

Or that he’s an alien plant.

And when I say plant I don’t mean like a carrot or broccoli, that’s a whole ‘nother type of alien (which I’m rarely in contact with). No, I mean a plant as in the Manchurian Candidate, only in this case Manchuria has twin suns and serves spring rolls made out of human skulls.

Sure, my theory is a little nutty, but no more so than Obama’s economic blueprint for America. We could examine it more closely but, like Obama, I’m asking you to just believe.

And, hey, keep an eye on the guys hands.

Update: Someone contacted me to say they see the ineffable logic behind my theory, except for one thing. How could the aliens know the Democrats would win? First of all, just because someone has three-fingered talons for hands doesn’t mean they’re stupid. It doesn’t take alien ESP to figure out that the Democrats have this one in the bag.

Anyway, I have it on good authority [Hat tip to Iggy at Stormfront] that the aliens had a plant in both parties…

Update 2: Hillary has been trying to get this out there in her usual subtle way. Here’s a description of her appearance on Ellen Degeneres talk show recently:

Asked by host Ellen Degeneres what the biggest misperception about her is, Clinton chirpily replied: “You know, that I’m some kind of creature from an alien world, I suppose.”

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