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Beating Your Wife…With Love

Scott on November 2, 2007 at 11:51 am

Like an episode of Mad TV or Saturday Night Live, this video clip of a Saudi cleric presents you with the proper methods a husband should use when beating his wife.

Just in time, too!

John and I were just talking the other day about how neither of us is sure of the proper method to use when beating our wives. I personally prefer using a belt across the back and legs, but John prefers using his hand. Both of us agree that hitting in the face is wrong, but we seem to disagree as to whether it is wrong to hit on the top and back of the head. Neither of us would beat our donkeys or other livestock because they would be too stupid to understand, but we both agree that sometimes wives should be beaten because they DO understand but just refuse to admit that we, as men and their husbands, are ALWAYS right!

Here’s a bit of the priceless pearls of wisdom dispensed by this Muslim cleric:

Beating in the face is forbidden, even when it comes to animals…So beatings should be light and not in the face…He should beat her with a toothpick…He doesn’t beat her with a bottle of water, a plate, or a knife. This is forbidden…If you beat her with a toothpick, or if you beat her lightly with your hand, and so on, it is meant to convey: “Woman, it has gone too far. I can’t bear it anymore.” If he beats her, the beatings must be light and must not make her face ugly. He must beat her where it will not leave marks…Brother, it is a human being you are beating. This is forbidden. He must not do this.

I especially like this one – “…the beatings must be light and must not make her face ugly.” But what if she’s already…never mind!

This is a fantastic example of the philosophy of this “religion of peace” in which women are valued and treasured. Obviously, this religion deserves to control the world. Imagine how much better the world would be with husbands helping their wives to understand the error of their ways.

I can’t wait for this guy to show up on Oprah!

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