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A Prude By Any Other Name…Still Sounds Like a Pharisee!

Scott on May 24, 2007 at 12:33 pm

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Newsflash

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Dateline: Somewhere in Cyberspace

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Internet Watchbloggie extraordinaire Ingrid Schlueter, founder and leading stone thrower at Slice of Laodicea and contributing pharisee judge jury executioner writer over at Christian Research Network has announced that VCY America has stopped broadcasting Chuck Swindoll’s Insight for Living radio show.

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Schlueter, a heresy hunter of the first order who never fails to find an apostate in every evangelical pew, has declared on behalf of VCY America:

Through the years we have had multiple conversations with IFL regarding objections to content in their broadcasts. It is VCY’s position that certain language and illustrations used have been crude, vulgar, and from the gutter and have no place on Christian radio.

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Anyone who has been reading this blog over the last 18 months knows how we feel about the litter of watchbloggies whose nose-in-the-air attitudes more closely resemble those of the Pharisees who pray, “Lord, thank you that I am not like these other sinners” rather than modeling the mind and heart of Christ. The peeps over at Slice, CRN, TeamPyro, et al tend to be fairly predictable in the people/groups/organizations they target.

But every once in a while they take a giant leap into the absurd like today. VCY America has decided to take a bold stand against corruption in the Christian church and has refused to carry Chuck Swindoll’s teaching as aired on the Insight for Living radio broadcast. As examples of the sundry vulgarities, crudities and gutteralities expressed by Chuck Swindoll, Ingrid shares the following damning examples:

1) On March 5th of this year, speaking of the sons of Issachar, Swindoll said:

Patton would say they had guts. You’d say at work, they had balls.

Regarding this, Ingrid said: It is VCY’s position that this language is gutter talk, is crude, and vulgar. VCY stated to IFL that such language is uncalled for, is unbecoming a pastor, and is inappropriate for our listeners.

(My thought-If “balls” is crude and vulgar, how much time does Ingrid spend coming down out of her tower of purity and rubbing shoulders with the publicans, sinners, tax-collectors, fisherman, etc?)

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2) On March 6th, speaking of a recent medical exam, Swindoll said:

I had my physical the other day and Cooper who has a finger that long (pause with laughter), that long (continued laughter). And while he was up in there said, ‘Now that’s your prostate.’ I said (Swindoll yells) ‘I know that’. Was this anatomy class? (Laughter). He’s a very sick man. (Laughter). Got through prostate, checked out great. I bragged about that to Cynthia about three hours. ‘I’ve got a great prostate.’ She said, ‘get a life, honey.’” (Laughter)

Regarding this, Ingrid said: VCY finds it unacceptable to broadcast Chuck Swindoll’s re-counting of the length of the finger of his doctor and describing it in his body while checking his prostate. This is both crude and offensive.

(My thought-Since he was talking at the time to a men’s leadership meeting, and most of these men had endured the “Dr. Jelly Finger treatment,” I would say that this is a time when once again Ingrid has ignored the importance of context.)

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3) Back in November of 2000, Swindoll seems to have stepped into it by discussing “The Lion King.” Ingrid prefaces VCY American’s objection by saying:

Christian broadcasters all over the country were giving warnings regarding the homosexual promotion such as gay days, gay-friendly issues and other depraved issues being promoted by Disney. While this boycott was going on, Insight For Living took another position. The November 20, 2000 IFL program promoted “The Lion King” (produced by Disney) using it as an illustration. Chuck Swindoll stated on this broadcast.

On this day, Swindoll said:

“Now I could ruin the rest of the story for you, but rather than doing that, I’ll urge you to go down to your local video store and rent for yourself, ‘The Lion King’”.

Regarding this, Ingrid said: At that time VCY addressed concern to IFL pointing out that researchers who reviewed this movie stated that the one who anoints Simba as king, was Rafiki, who happens to be a witch doctor. Rafiki carries his magical pack on the top of his staff. Viewers are taught throughout the movie that you can align yourself with witchcraft to overcome evil. It is also pointed out that the movie promotes talking to the dead (necromancy).

(My thought-It’s a CHILDREN’S MOVIE!!! Ingrid must be LOADS of fun as a mom.)

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4) On the January 3, 2001 edition of Insight for Living, Swindoll used an illustration of Art Linkletter talking to a boy whose father is a police officer. Art asked if the boy’s mother was bothered by this, the boy responded and Chuck emphasized, “Heck, No!”.

Regarding this, Ingrid said: VCY contacted IFL stating “heck” is slang for “hell” and that listeners were offended by this.

(My thought-Perhaps Ingrid would have preferred it if the boy had said, “Golly, No!” Since words are typically definded by their intent, then wouldn’t “golly” be just as bad as “heck?” In fact, in any situation couldn’t one just substitute a bland/inoffensive word for a “loaded” word and still be accused of “cussing?” For example, wouldn’t “You’re a sonofacow” be just as offensive as “You’re a sonofabitch?” -or- wouldn’t “I hate you. Go wash yourself and die!” be the same as “I hate you. Go f___ yourself and die!”)

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5) On February 5, 2001, Chuck used an illustration from a regular column he reads from “Sports Illustrated” magazine written by Rick Riley. Chuck quoted this portion of the article:

“Be careful with your money, write your own checks, none of this power of attorney crap. Get an agent and a lawyer and tell each, the other is a crook. (Laughter) That’s perspective.”

Regarding this, Ingrid said:
VCY alerted IFL that day that the word, “crap” is crude, uncalled for and offensive and should not to be used in a Christian’s vocabulary, let alone come from a pulpit and broadcast all over the country.

(My thought-”Crap” could also be used to as a reference to garbage/trash/junk. Perhaps it is Ingrid who needs to get her mind out of the crapheap.)

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6) In September of 2001, VCY contacted IFL out of concern that Chuck Swindoll was calling into question a literal interpretation of Genesis for a six-day, 24-hour day creation when he said:

“On what day did He make the sun? It was the fourth day. So for three full creative days or eras of days, however you might handle that. For three solid periods of time there was light, but there was no sun But what’s interesting to me is that the light that came upon this earth, for a period of who knows how long, did not come from the sun. Where did it come from?”

Regarding this, Ingrid said:
In this message IFL called into question a literal six-day, 24-hour day creation.

(My thought-Unless Ingrid is able to prove for 100% certain that the days in Genesis were literal days, and unless she can explain away every bit of evidence that seems to indicate something different, she should probably just back off on using that as a litmus test of orthodoxy.)

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7) In February of 2005, Swindoll set off the heresy alarms at VCY America when they decided that he had an incorrect understanding of “grace” and “judging”:

“No person is qualified to judge another. Extending grace means we refuse to play God in anyone else’s life So, rather than judge others, it’s our duty to give them room to be who they are But let me go to drinking wine for supper, or you know, or a glass of wine for lunch. Some of you have an absolute abhorrence for the thought. And, that’s your conviction. I’m not talking about drinking too much. I’m not talking about out of moderation. I’m talking about a glass of wine every once and a while. If you do not have a problem with that you’re not free to bring a big bag of booze and set it on the table when you eat at Bob’s Steakhouse. Okay? That’s unwise especially if you’ve got a couple of brand new Christians with you, or if you’ve got them sitting nearby. If you want to drink a little wine, drink it in your house. Keep it to yourself because that’s love. Now, I know I’ll get mail on this, but I don’t care (laughter). I’m trying to make a point and I could have chosen another, but I know that would make you think. So, I thought I’d use this one and let you think whatever you wish. When I come to your house I do not check your refrigerator to see what’s in there And when I have you in my home and you look in my refrigerator, it’s none of your business (Laughter). It works both ways .I want to say to you who are strong, lighten up, lighten up .I want to say to you who are weak, grow up. Quit judging people who have liberty that you don’t feel you have.”

Regarding this, Ingrid said: It is VCY’s position that God calls believers to lead a life of separation from worldly practices and amusements and that the life of one who is saved should demonstrate that he is a child of God, surrendered to do the will of God. The child of God is not to do those things which will cause a brother to stumble or be made weak, but affirms II Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

(My thoughts-If the drinking of wine is one of her many tests for the spirituality of people, I would suggest she start by dealing with the Apostle Paul who recommends the drinking of wine, and Jesus who created wine for a wedding.)

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8) In December of 2005, Chuck said, “Get your buns in gear and turn to (gave passage of Scripture).

Regarding this, Ingrid said:
It is VCY’s position that this is not appropriate language from the pulpit nor on this Christian radio ministry.

(My thought-Ingrid, you must be one REALLY REPRESSED individual if the word “buns” gets you all in a tither.)

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It is such a relief to know that Ingrid and the rest of the gang over at Slice (along with the others in the watchdoggie litter) are there defending the faith from the dark machinations of the Evil One who has perverted one of the longest running Christian teaching programs in America. To be sure that we get the salient points and to be sure that we are all on the right judgmental spiritual page, here’s what we have learned:

1) Commonly used social colloquialisms and slang are to be avoided at all costs, and to fail to do so draws into question the amount of Godliness within one’s soul. To use a phrase like “got balls” as opposed to “got guts” exhibits a taint that is a strong indicator of pervasive spiritual corruption.

2) Discussing the physical realities of life (such as medical examinations) is off limits, especially if it is done in a light and humorous manner. Discussing a proctologic exam is to acknowledge that men have prostates, which can only be examined through the anus, which is pretty much always a humbling (if not humiliating) experience. It is always better to pretend that nobody in the world has a prostate or an anus, because that would lead to other embarrassing discussions of defecation, flatulence and the like. Pretend that it’s not there and it will go away, or at least nobody will notice it.

3) Never, never, EVER expose yourself or your children to any sort of stories or fairytale involving magic, magical lands, magical/talking animals, etc. Magic is always evil, no matter what, so anything that tries to portray it in any other light is anathema and must be shunned and/or stoned and/or burned at the stake of heresy. This includes Disney’s “Aladdin” (the genie uses magic) and “The Little Mermaid” (King Triton uses magic), “The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe” (both the book and movie portray magic being used on both sides of the battle, which is obviously a misdirection/shell game since all magic is evil and thus Aslan the lion and the White Witch were really fighting on the same side), children’s stories like Cinderella, The White Swan, The Princess and the Frog, The Princess and the Pea, The Swan Princess, Rapunzzle, Rumplstiltzkin, etc, etc, etc. And just to be safe, you should probably put the story of Balam and his donkey on the list from the Old Testament.

4) Words like “heck,” “darn,” “shoot,” “crap,” “dang it,” “darn it,” “dang nabbit,” and the like are all suger-coated cuss words to be avoided at all costs. Since a word like “crap” could mean either “shit” or “garbage/trash,” it is doubly important to avoid it in order to avoid any confusion, since we all know that a double-minded person is unstable in everything they do.

5) A literal belief in six 24 hour days of creation is ESSENTIAL for a proper understanding of the Christian faith and thus for salvation. Any other belief/interpretation is heresy and should be treated as such.

6) The consumption of any food or drink that the world seems to approve of is to be avoided. In the case of alcohol, anyone who drinks it has allied themselves with the world and the prince of this world (the Devil). The consumption of alcohol is grounds for immediate condemnation to the bowels of hell. In fact, doing anything for fun and/or pleasure that is also done by the world must be avoided. Besides drinking alcohol, the list would include: eating chocolate (or any sort of food with a pleasant flavor), listening to music (even hymns), dressing in anything but sack cloth (longs skirts for women and suites and ties for men stimulate feelings of pleasure at one’s appearance, which is sinful, besides the fact that such articles of clothing have been conceived by and created by nonbelievers in the world), reading (even the Bible, since reading anything but Leviticus can lend itself to an enjoyable passing of time while one reads about the movement of God in the history of the world), watching movies (even G rated movies, since again they have been developed by nonbelievers and are thus tainted by the impurity of their thoughts and actions), etc.

7) Any reference to any male or female anatomy located below the shoulders and above the knees is to be avoided, lest it stimulate carnal and/or otherwise inappropriate thoughts. Besides the obvious ones, the following words should also be avoided: chest, bosom, breast, crotch, groin, thigh, derriere, bottom, rump, butt, buns, bum, and arse.

I’m sure that we all want to thank Ingrid for all her hard work and diligence in keeping an eye on our lives and our purity, and for identifying those who seek to sully the Church with their reckless and impure speech and heretical ideas.

Thanks, Ingrid, and keep up the good work!

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