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Saving the World One Butt at a Time

Scott on April 23, 2007 at 12:10 pm

In these times of intense national and international conflict, vitriolic political debate, grief over insane displays of contempt for human life (V. Tech, Columbine, etc), it’s nice that someone can step in and offer up a little humor to brighten the day.

So I extend a heart-felt “THANKS” to Sheryl Crow and her bold stand on the environment. Ms. Crow suggests that people be restricted to using one square of toilet paper per visit to the bathroom/restroom. According to Crow:

[People should use] “…only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required…”

“…I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting…I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming…”

“…Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating…”

It is at times like these that I wonder why those entertainers who are gifted with such amazing intellects don’t turn their efforts full time to making the world a better place. Imagine what Cheryl could do if she turned her considerable amount of brain power to things like Darfur, feeding the global poor and starving, and finding out why Andrew Dice Clay has his own reality television show.

As a tribute to Ms. Crow and her brave idealism, I have taken the liberty of rewriting the chorus to “All I Wanna Do:”

All I wanna do is use the john
I got a feeling I’m gonna need more than one
All I wanna do is use the john
I got a feeling my squares will be all gone
All I wanna do is use the john
I’m thinking that 2-ply beats a single one
Maybe I can use some soft leaves
From off of Santa Monica Boulevard

( I know it isn’t much, but it’s what I could do with three minutes)

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